Thoughts.

The past 36 hours have been a trial by fire. I'm handling it well, but I am exceptionally tired.

I realized something though.

The first is that I can't go out and get busted up anymore. Not because I can't take it, but rather that there is someone who takes every beating I take right there along with me. It's something that I didn't realize before and only now have. I always said that it didn't matter what happened to me, because I am tough/macho/bulletproof or whatever, but it isn't just me. I wouldn't take care of myself because I figured it didn't affect anyone but me.

I am exhilerated and frightened to be wrong.

I have a reason to protect myself now. I have a reason now to do the right things, both for myself and others, not just for me, but because they reflect on someone else, and they affect someone else.

It's a hell of a thing. A hell of a thing.


I also realize it goes both ways, that anything that happens on their side affects me also. It's new territory for me to be so involved with another human being, to worry and share, and rejoice and mourn, with trust. It's something that is really hard for me to do given my background and such. It's frightening too, but I'm ready to face it.

I'm leaving you tonight with a quote I found inside my brand-new Spider-Man Handbook: The Ultimate Training Manual by Seth Grahame-Smith:

"A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is braver five minutes longer."
Ralph Waldo Emerson