Couple mondays ago

Restless tonight
Cause I wasted the light
Between both these times
I drew a really thin line
It’s nothing I planned
And not that I can
But you should be mine
Across that line


Finger Eleven, One Thing

That's the first thing I heard when I entered the NMSU Pan American Center for the concert a couple of weeks ago. Yes, this concert review is a little bit late, but there have been the sort of unusual happenstances that occur in my life, thus causing it to be delayed.

But let's Tarantino it some. Lets go back in time a little bit.

I arrived a little late, due to traffic and lines, and missed most of Finger Eleven's set. I was able to hear some of it while in line outside waiting to get in. I had floor seats to this event, a pair of them, but no one to go with. So I scanned the people around me, looking for someone to give my ticket to, and after about fifteen minutes of looking w hile standing in line, I saw him.

He might have been 17. I have trouble telling ages of people now since the young look older and the old look younger than I remember them being. He was standing off to the side of the line next to five or six girls who he knew, but he didn't seem to be "in line." This was a less than physically superior fellow, and he apeared somewhere between nervous and doomed, and I wondered briefly if I would get the pleasure of watching a young Scoundrel try to crash the gate. As the girls in line neared the door, he split off from his group, and they reminded him to pick them up after the show.

Oh no, he wasn't with them. He was their bitch. He got to drive them there, he got to pick them up, but he didn't have a ticket to the show, and because he liked one or more of them, he was putting up with it. The sidelong glance he cast the blonde affirmed that as he walked away sadly to sit under a tree outside the Center and wait.

Shit. I used to be that guy. We can recognize our own, you know.

So I hop out of line, and trot over to the tree, and say "Hey."

He flinched some. We sensitive types get a little flinchy when suddenly approached by other men. It's a survival reflex. Sort of the survival reflex that mice have to flee for their lives when confronted by cats.

So I ask him his name, and he asks why. I was already late and irritated, so I asked him his name again, while inserting a curseword in the question this time. He responded that it was Tony, and I asked if he had a ticket. He said no, and looked forlorn, so I went straight to the point and said "Now you do," and handed my extra to him. He yelled thank you at me as I ran back to my place in line and entered the arena.

Alright, I'm a big softy, even when I'm not being particularly nice about it. I did have an agenda this evening you know.

So Finger Eleven is playing, and after a quick stop for some merch, I entered the arena proper and made my way down the stairs to the floor where my tickets (now ticket) was valid for. Finger Eleven seemed to be a group of really cool guys, a cross between a pack of stand-up comedians and musicians. The lead singer reminded me of Jeremy Piven for some reason, in his mannerisms and the way he talked. I wish I'd seen more of their set, but my time travel powers are limited to literary linearisms, as the Flux Capacitor is out on the Camaro.

Ah well.

The lights come up, as the second band of the evening prepares to do their set. They were a band named Chevelle, who I'm not a huge fan of, but I like a couple of their songs, and they seemed like really cool guys too.


I'm in a new place, with the same face
And nothing is familiar to me,
But theres a storm rush, then the wind starts
And its bringing out the woman in me
I know that you're out there somewhere
Waiting on a deeper connection
Now I'm lookin to my left, searching on my right
'Cause we could be the greatest adventure, I'm
Ready
Come and find me, I'm not gonna hide
I got the sun on my side, it's
Heavy 'cause I'm finally open for the one and
I'm ready, ready
-I'm Ready, by Chevelle.

Chevelle's set ends, and I start to feel the rumble as the lights fall down and the band I'm waiting to see is about to go on. I'd seen them once, had tickets to another show that got cancelled, and this was something the universe owed me. I forced my way to the front of the pit, ten feet from the stage.

Then it hits me, like a sledgehammer, sound and fury coming out of the twenty foot high speakers above my head.


It's true, we're all a little insane
but its so clear
now that I'm unchained
Amy Lee of Evanescence's voice rips through me. My heart started to thunder, as she continued into the next line of "Sweet Sacrifice," and although I can never prove it, she looked at me before it came out.


fear is only in our minds
taking over all the time
fear is only in our minds but its taking over all the time

I love this band. I love their driving guitar, their thunderous drums, the voice and words of their singer. And I love the message they always somehow bring to me. They played some of their older and then newer stuff, songs that I enjoy but don't love too too much, but then when the song "Tourniquet" begins, I know I"m about to get something special.
You never call me when you're sober, my battle cry song from 2006.

Paper flowers, complete with snowfall (!) in the arena.

Going under, another battle song from another time.

Don't turn away, my Get up and Fight song.

They played all my favorites, but two were missing as the lights came up and they left the stage. Part of me inside yelled "WTF?" but I know the rules.

Save the best for the encore.


How can you see into my eyes
Like open doors?
Leading you down into my core,
Where I've become so numb.

Without a soul,
My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold,
Until you find it there and lead it back
Home.


Wake me up inside.
Wake me up inside.
Call my name and save me from the dark.
Bid my blood to run.
Before I come undone.
Save me from the nothing I've become.
Bring me to life.
Bring me to life, Evanescence.

So there it was. The thunder I needed. I didn't get it at the time due to some other things happening in my life, but it's what I needed. All I needed and more, enough fuel to get me through til the next phase. I just wish you'd been there with me.
So this is yours, the last thing I heard before leaving the arena that night. From My Immortal:


When you'd cry I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I've held your hand through all of these years
And you still have
All of me



Thanks, universe.